It's funny that we celebrate Thansgiving for one day and we rush toward Christmas on the next day. Christmas decorations appeared in stores even before Thanksgiving. We are thankful for one day. The next day we push to get to the front of the line, get impatient if we have to wait in a line, etc. Everything there after is about Christmas. Everything is commercialized. It would be good if we truly remember why we celebrate, but it's only about presents and gifts. We forget to be kind. We forget that money is not everything. We forget to celebrate Jesus' birth. We forget. I forget.
I am so grateful for my life. The friends I have. The family who loves me. I am grateful for the opportunities I've had in my life. I'm so excited to be done with school. Oh, the places I'll go. The people I will meet. Thanksgiving. This should be a part of my daily living.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Purpose for living
Why am I here in this life? Why are you here on earth? What is our purpose for living? Everyone has to address this question sometime in their life. The answer to this question drives how you and I live out our lives. When you die, what happens? Is the purpose of our life to be born, get a job, get married and have babies, retire, then die? Is that it? Is it to make a difference in this world? If so, why? Are we beings without souls that when we die, we just die and that's it? There has to be more to life than just that. Do you ever wonder why, even with good friends, family, and money, there is a void inside of you. A discontentment. Unsettledness. A deep longing for something. If our purpose is to just live life here on earth and die, why is there a void in our lives?
It's difficult for me to think that we are soul-less beings, probably due to the fact that I put my faith in Jesus many years ago. I have seen and experienced many things in my lifetime that points to God.
Life after death? If you don't believe there is life after death, what I will say should not offend you because of your disbelief. I believe in life after death. I believe that there is a heaven and hell. I believe in Jesus Christ who paid the penalty for my sin so that I may enter heaven. I don't have to do anything to gain favor to get to heaven. It's only through Grace.
What is your purpose for living? Are you satisfied and secure with your answer?
It's difficult for me to think that we are soul-less beings, probably due to the fact that I put my faith in Jesus many years ago. I have seen and experienced many things in my lifetime that points to God.
Life after death? If you don't believe there is life after death, what I will say should not offend you because of your disbelief. I believe in life after death. I believe that there is a heaven and hell. I believe in Jesus Christ who paid the penalty for my sin so that I may enter heaven. I don't have to do anything to gain favor to get to heaven. It's only through Grace.
What is your purpose for living? Are you satisfied and secure with your answer?
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Back to Rochester
It's been awhile since I've written. The transition from Florida back to Minnesota was a little rough, but I survived :-) Tonight I was driving in a snowstorm returning home. Ick. Not looking forward to the MN winter.
It's been different living with Miriam and Charlie. From living in my own home to living with a young married couple, 2 cats, and a dog is definitely an adjustment. I can't be loud when I wake up (I'm usually the first up in the morning). It's just different having roommates. I am so thankful for Miriam and Charlie for taking me in and storing all my stuff at their house. Plus they are wonderful cooks and they feed me:-)
I was thinking about conflict again this week. How ugly it can be-especially in a relationship. I'm such a communicator that it drives me nuts when people avoid conflict-because it makes people uncomfortable. People in general never want to be in uncomfortable situations. Everyone want their life to be nice and easy. Life, however, brings all sorts of uncomfortable situations.
Men in general are very good in avoiding conflict-more than women. I realize that this is a very stereotypical statement and not all men are like that. I was just observing this week that the rationale for avoiding some conflict or uncomfortable situations stem from PRIDE. They (men and women) assume many things that may or may not be true about the situation and rely on their emotions to guide their decisions and not rationalized thinking.
For example: Let's say someone hurt me emotionally. Instead of coping and dealing with forgiveness, I harbor anger. I would try to avoid any opportunity of seeing the other person-even if the situation happened a long time ago. My pride would prevent me from finding any resolution to the situation.
Easier said than done. It is true. But life is so short. Why not live it full of joy, not in anger or bitterness? The times you chose to live in bitterness, fear, anger, and sorrow only takes the time away from living a life of Joy. For those who believe in Jesus--Life is meant to be lived in Joy, despite the troubles around us--despite what life throws at us. It's easy to blame God for our struggles, but I challenge you to cling to the Truth.
For those who don't believe and are reading this, I'm praying for you. Have you ever felt an emptiness inside? You try to fill it with relationships, material things, a successful career, and partying, but you never feel whole. I know that the emptiness is an emptiness for the awesome God of the Universe-who sent His Son to die on the cross for all the sins of man (since we were separated from God because of sin) because He loves us that much. When we confess our sins to Jesus, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Are you secure in your thoughts about where you will go after you die on this earth? Think about it.
My thoughts are everywhere tonight.
It's been different living with Miriam and Charlie. From living in my own home to living with a young married couple, 2 cats, and a dog is definitely an adjustment. I can't be loud when I wake up (I'm usually the first up in the morning). It's just different having roommates. I am so thankful for Miriam and Charlie for taking me in and storing all my stuff at their house. Plus they are wonderful cooks and they feed me:-)
I was thinking about conflict again this week. How ugly it can be-especially in a relationship. I'm such a communicator that it drives me nuts when people avoid conflict-because it makes people uncomfortable. People in general never want to be in uncomfortable situations. Everyone want their life to be nice and easy. Life, however, brings all sorts of uncomfortable situations.
Men in general are very good in avoiding conflict-more than women. I realize that this is a very stereotypical statement and not all men are like that. I was just observing this week that the rationale for avoiding some conflict or uncomfortable situations stem from PRIDE. They (men and women) assume many things that may or may not be true about the situation and rely on their emotions to guide their decisions and not rationalized thinking.
For example: Let's say someone hurt me emotionally. Instead of coping and dealing with forgiveness, I harbor anger. I would try to avoid any opportunity of seeing the other person-even if the situation happened a long time ago. My pride would prevent me from finding any resolution to the situation.
Easier said than done. It is true. But life is so short. Why not live it full of joy, not in anger or bitterness? The times you chose to live in bitterness, fear, anger, and sorrow only takes the time away from living a life of Joy. For those who believe in Jesus--Life is meant to be lived in Joy, despite the troubles around us--despite what life throws at us. It's easy to blame God for our struggles, but I challenge you to cling to the Truth.
For those who don't believe and are reading this, I'm praying for you. Have you ever felt an emptiness inside? You try to fill it with relationships, material things, a successful career, and partying, but you never feel whole. I know that the emptiness is an emptiness for the awesome God of the Universe-who sent His Son to die on the cross for all the sins of man (since we were separated from God because of sin) because He loves us that much. When we confess our sins to Jesus, He is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Are you secure in your thoughts about where you will go after you die on this earth? Think about it.
My thoughts are everywhere tonight.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Yesterday, today, and tomorrow
Three more weeks in Jacksonville, FL. Five weeks went by so fast. Still, I keep thinking that the day could be longer-so I would get more things done. The business of life definitely makes me forget about where I came from, who I had been, who I am now, and who I want to become. This week I had some time to think about all of that. My precepter, Mike, asked about my background-where I was from and where I grew up. I had a chance to reflect again of the path I had travelled in life-leaving Laos, living in the refugee camp, and coming to the U.S.
I see God's hand of protection, even before I knew Him. How many close calls in life did I have? I can recall only a few, but somehow I'm sure there were others that I was not aware of. Christ has developed my character over the years. I long to be what Christ calls me to be, but I fall so short, so frequently. I have a deep gratitude for His grace and His sacrifice on the Cross. I am not who I am without Jesus. As simple and as cliche as that sounds, how profoundly true it is in my life. How I live life sometimes does not always reflect that Truth. This saddens my heart when i think about it. Still, I strive to become the type of woman who lives for Christ-in every aspect of my life. To continue to live with love, grace, and mercy and demonstrate that to those around me.
I see God's hand of protection, even before I knew Him. How many close calls in life did I have? I can recall only a few, but somehow I'm sure there were others that I was not aware of. Christ has developed my character over the years. I long to be what Christ calls me to be, but I fall so short, so frequently. I have a deep gratitude for His grace and His sacrifice on the Cross. I am not who I am without Jesus. As simple and as cliche as that sounds, how profoundly true it is in my life. How I live life sometimes does not always reflect that Truth. This saddens my heart when i think about it. Still, I strive to become the type of woman who lives for Christ-in every aspect of my life. To continue to live with love, grace, and mercy and demonstrate that to those around me.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Florida
It's been awhile since I've written down my thoughts. I've been in Jacksonville for almost 4 weeks now and have been enjoying the nice weather. I thought I would be more lonely being here by myself, but I'm actually have not. My sister was here Labor Day weekend with me. My friend Marie came two weekends ago. I was in Orlando visiting Mickey and the wonderful world of Disney with my friend Tia last weekend. My free weekends are spent studying. Yeah :-)
This week was a little hard. I've just been encountering a couple of rude and grumpy people. It's silly that I allow them to affect my day. I shouldn't, but I did. People kept telling me before I started school that I need to grow thick skin in working in the operating room environment. I think my skin is tougher, but there are days I just want to cry. How I wish that I can shut my feelings and emotions off sometimes. As hard as I try, I don't think I could ever do it.
My house has sold and the closing day is Sept. 29th. I'm a bit sad that I don't get to say a final goodbye to my house. It's sinking in even more that I'm leaving Rochester. I'm sad, indeed. I don't want to think about it, but I know I have to.
This week was a little hard. I've just been encountering a couple of rude and grumpy people. It's silly that I allow them to affect my day. I shouldn't, but I did. People kept telling me before I started school that I need to grow thick skin in working in the operating room environment. I think my skin is tougher, but there are days I just want to cry. How I wish that I can shut my feelings and emotions off sometimes. As hard as I try, I don't think I could ever do it.
My house has sold and the closing day is Sept. 29th. I'm a bit sad that I don't get to say a final goodbye to my house. It's sinking in even more that I'm leaving Rochester. I'm sad, indeed. I don't want to think about it, but I know I have to.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Revolving door
It's been a tiring week. My body is trying to fight off this crazy cold. When I'm tired, things just don't go smoothly. I ran over my trash can in the driveway. I spill soup all over me my purse, laptop bag, and chair. I forget simple things.
Last week I went downtown to pick up some last minute documents for my clinical rotation in FL. I parked in front of the Baldwin building. The revolving door was turning and turning, so I proceeded to walk through it. While I was in the middle, my hand went up and I touched the revolving door. The revolving door stopped. So I stepped back in the middle and tried to not the sides because most revolving doors continue once you stop touching the side. Nothing happenned. Hmmm.... I looked behind me and notice no one was behind me and nothing was moving. I looked in front of me and nothing was happenning. I was smack in the middle of the revolving door. Stuck. Now what do I do? There was 2 Mayo helper person sitting on the podium outside the building. They looked at me and muttered "What's wrong with her?" Now in my head I was thinking "why are they saying that?" The guy looks at me and said "Push!"
A light bulb came on. I pushed and the revolving door moved. Embarrassing! This was not the automated door that were in so many other Mayo buildings. When I saw that the revolving door was spinning, I automatically assumed it was an automated revolving door. WRONG! I was so tired that I did not notice the door slowing down as I entered the revolving door. I didn't notice a person going through there before I did.
I learned 2 things..
1. First appearances are deceiving
2. When I'm tired, i forget things
3. The guy didn't need to tell me to push the door. I would have figured it out. Eventually.
Yikes! When I decide to shut my brain down, it shuts down.
Last week I went downtown to pick up some last minute documents for my clinical rotation in FL. I parked in front of the Baldwin building. The revolving door was turning and turning, so I proceeded to walk through it. While I was in the middle, my hand went up and I touched the revolving door. The revolving door stopped. So I stepped back in the middle and tried to not the sides because most revolving doors continue once you stop touching the side. Nothing happenned. Hmmm.... I looked behind me and notice no one was behind me and nothing was moving. I looked in front of me and nothing was happenning. I was smack in the middle of the revolving door. Stuck. Now what do I do? There was 2 Mayo helper person sitting on the podium outside the building. They looked at me and muttered "What's wrong with her?" Now in my head I was thinking "why are they saying that?" The guy looks at me and said "Push!"
A light bulb came on. I pushed and the revolving door moved. Embarrassing! This was not the automated door that were in so many other Mayo buildings. When I saw that the revolving door was spinning, I automatically assumed it was an automated revolving door. WRONG! I was so tired that I did not notice the door slowing down as I entered the revolving door. I didn't notice a person going through there before I did.
I learned 2 things..
1. First appearances are deceiving
2. When I'm tired, i forget things
3. The guy didn't need to tell me to push the door. I would have figured it out. Eventually.
Yikes! When I decide to shut my brain down, it shuts down.
Monday, August 25, 2008
body shut down
The human body is truly amazing. It can handle a lot of stress and trauma before it begins to shut down. It knows what it needs to do in order to preserve itself. Making us ill is one of them.
Ever since July, i have been running. One thing after another. Not bad things. They were all good things, but there were too many things. I always think i can handle a lot. And I can. But today I am physically, emotionally, and mentally tired and spent. For almost two months I pushed myself. Not getting adequate sleep. Thinking about too many things at once.
My body was telling me to slow down a long time ago. Yesterday I began to feel the signs and symptoms of my body telling me it needed rest. It was just a little sore throat yesterday. Coughed a couple of times.
Today every time I swallow, there's a lump in my throat and it's stinkin' sore. I can feel myself getting a little fever. OK---I now am forced to rest.
It's funny that sometimes it takes our sickness to realize that we have been pushing ourselves way too hard. It happens repeatedly in our lifetime, yet how many times do we have to learn this lesson before understanding that we need to take care of ourselves?
I need rest. I've so tired-not just physically, but spiritually. Thank you, God, for reminding me, that i need to slow down. Life itself may not, but i need to.
I am thankful for some wonderful friends that have been praying for me the last couple of months.
Ever since July, i have been running. One thing after another. Not bad things. They were all good things, but there were too many things. I always think i can handle a lot. And I can. But today I am physically, emotionally, and mentally tired and spent. For almost two months I pushed myself. Not getting adequate sleep. Thinking about too many things at once.
My body was telling me to slow down a long time ago. Yesterday I began to feel the signs and symptoms of my body telling me it needed rest. It was just a little sore throat yesterday. Coughed a couple of times.
Today every time I swallow, there's a lump in my throat and it's stinkin' sore. I can feel myself getting a little fever. OK---I now am forced to rest.
It's funny that sometimes it takes our sickness to realize that we have been pushing ourselves way too hard. It happens repeatedly in our lifetime, yet how many times do we have to learn this lesson before understanding that we need to take care of ourselves?
I need rest. I've so tired-not just physically, but spiritually. Thank you, God, for reminding me, that i need to slow down. Life itself may not, but i need to.
I am thankful for some wonderful friends that have been praying for me the last couple of months.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Friends
What a crazy last few weeks! I barely had time to breathe. Clarian Arnett in Lafayette officially offered me a job, and i took it of course. My mind is so full of things i need to get done before i leave for my Florida rotation...mail forwarding stuff, packing stuff for two months, packing stuff in general to get my house ready to be put on the market, new roof for the house..ick, studying...ick,ick..., etc., etc., etc. Wish there was two of me:-)
I was reminded of how blessed I am to have such good and wonderful friends. This past weekend, Tori, Mel, Jodee, and I went to the nurse anesthesia national conference. It was great spending time with them. My birthday with them was wonderful. We went to Fogo de Chao, a Brazillian steak house. Loved every minute of it.
On Tues. I went to the hospital to see Kristen, who was ready to have Nathan. When I got the hospital, she was ready for the epidural to help with labor pain. I was NOT impressed with the anesthesiologist. Got to see the little tyke being born. Nathan is getting genetic testing, ultrasounds, etc. There was a few things that concerned the hospital staff. I know that however this turns out. Everything will be OK. It may be hard sometimes for Dan and Kristen, but their strength in God will carry them through whatever trials com. How I will missed the Spielmans when i leave MN.
Last night, Annie, Jessi, and the gang had a birthday shindig for me since i was out of town on my birthday. I had so much fun spending time with them. It's still far for me to think that i am leaving them behind. It's beginning to hit me a bit today. I started tearing up thinking about all the good friends i'm leaving behind.
How I am blessed. I cannot imagine going through life without good friends. Money is definitely not everything. I would rather have little money and have good friends and family than have a lot of money and have none.
I was reminded of how blessed I am to have such good and wonderful friends. This past weekend, Tori, Mel, Jodee, and I went to the nurse anesthesia national conference. It was great spending time with them. My birthday with them was wonderful. We went to Fogo de Chao, a Brazillian steak house. Loved every minute of it.
On Tues. I went to the hospital to see Kristen, who was ready to have Nathan. When I got the hospital, she was ready for the epidural to help with labor pain. I was NOT impressed with the anesthesiologist. Got to see the little tyke being born. Nathan is getting genetic testing, ultrasounds, etc. There was a few things that concerned the hospital staff. I know that however this turns out. Everything will be OK. It may be hard sometimes for Dan and Kristen, but their strength in God will carry them through whatever trials com. How I will missed the Spielmans when i leave MN.
Last night, Annie, Jessi, and the gang had a birthday shindig for me since i was out of town on my birthday. I had so much fun spending time with them. It's still far for me to think that i am leaving them behind. It's beginning to hit me a bit today. I started tearing up thinking about all the good friends i'm leaving behind.
How I am blessed. I cannot imagine going through life without good friends. Money is definitely not everything. I would rather have little money and have good friends and family than have a lot of money and have none.
Friday, August 1, 2008
new chapter
I'm sitting at my hotel, eating breakfast and contemplating my future. Clarian Arnett flew me out on Wed. night. I was welcomed with a nice gourmet gift basket at the hotel. Lori, the recruiter picked me up at the hotel on Thur. to take me to the hospital. She spend the whole day with me. Navigated me through each tour, each meeting, introduced me to wonderful people. She also arranged a realtor to show me around the neighborhoods of Lafayette. They took me out to dinner at a nice posh restaurant later that evening. I hope i made a good impression on them. I did make an impression. Dr. Salamie said that out of all the candidates, i was the most stylish and professionally dress:-) I LOVE TJ Maxx!
I'm excited to see what the future brings, not just professionally, but personally. I had a meeting with Dr. Bien and he is great! He does volunteer work around the community and loves public health stuff. Giving back. That's what i want to do.
Dr. Weber talked to Purdue University about starting an anesthesia program a few weeks ago. I'm looking forward be able to help with this endeavor as well. How many new graduates from anesthesia school get to start a brand new facility and have opportunity to help with a new anethesia school? Not many. I am so blessed!
New chapter of my life. What does God have in store for me? I don't know, but i'm looking forward to it.
I'm excited to see what the future brings, not just professionally, but personally. I had a meeting with Dr. Bien and he is great! He does volunteer work around the community and loves public health stuff. Giving back. That's what i want to do.
Dr. Weber talked to Purdue University about starting an anesthesia program a few weeks ago. I'm looking forward be able to help with this endeavor as well. How many new graduates from anesthesia school get to start a brand new facility and have opportunity to help with a new anethesia school? Not many. I am so blessed!
New chapter of my life. What does God have in store for me? I don't know, but i'm looking forward to it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Up the mountain
Some people have said that the journey is just as important as the destination. How true that was when I hiked the mountains of Montana at Glacier National Park.
The first day hike to Gunsight Lake was hard, but well worth it. I am not used to having a 30 pound pack on my back as I hike up the mountain. I was out of breath even when we were walkin on a leveled surface. The view going up that mountain was absolutely amazing! We met a new friend when we were at Gunsight Lake-Jeff from Oakland, CA. He said that he had so many warnings about bears that he got paranoid hiking up the the lake. He hiked 6.2 miles in 2 hours. He was bookin' it! I have a feeling that he may not had a lot of time to look around him as he hiked up. He did hike with us on the way down the mountain, so he had more time to enjoy the view on the way down.
As I hiked, my mind was full of thoughts (not a surprise to those who know me:-) It was easy going down and easy hiking on level ground, but going up hill was very hard. It was a mental game for me. If i look up and try to see the distance i have to hike uphill, it was a daunting thought. If I just hike and just look at the few steps ahead of me, it was easier.
Sometimes during the difficulties in life, I get overwhelmed. I just need to take one step at a time.
The first day hike to Gunsight Lake was hard, but well worth it. I am not used to having a 30 pound pack on my back as I hike up the mountain. I was out of breath even when we were walkin on a leveled surface. The view going up that mountain was absolutely amazing! We met a new friend when we were at Gunsight Lake-Jeff from Oakland, CA. He said that he had so many warnings about bears that he got paranoid hiking up the the lake. He hiked 6.2 miles in 2 hours. He was bookin' it! I have a feeling that he may not had a lot of time to look around him as he hiked up. He did hike with us on the way down the mountain, so he had more time to enjoy the view on the way down.
As I hiked, my mind was full of thoughts (not a surprise to those who know me:-) It was easy going down and easy hiking on level ground, but going up hill was very hard. It was a mental game for me. If i look up and try to see the distance i have to hike uphill, it was a daunting thought. If I just hike and just look at the few steps ahead of me, it was easier.
Sometimes during the difficulties in life, I get overwhelmed. I just need to take one step at a time.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
life is a box of chocolate
Life is just like a box of chocolate...I love chocolate, but there are certain types of chocolates I like better than others. I think many times we would like to just eat our favorites and sometimes expect our favorites. When life does throw difficult things at us, we don't quite know how to handle it. Some get angry. Some get bitter. Some get sad. Some get ashamed.
Life is so short. How much time will be spend in anger and bitterness. We can't control what others do and what others think, but we can deal with our own actions and thoughts. Anger and bitterness held inside i think eventually show their ugly selves on the outside-people will see.
I really admire my friend Jessi. She's gone through some rough things in life, yet she did not chose anger and bitterness. I know she's had to work through those things and there may have been times she wanted to hang on to those feelings. She has learned to overcome them over the years and has continued to apply them in her life today. The one vital thing in her life is God. She's learned forgiveness and moving on. Like all of us, one we learn something, that doesn't mean we have conquered it. We get better at applying it, but sometimes it's still difficult. To find Joy through the pain. The test of true faith in God.
I learn so much about myself through things that i have gone through, but I also learn so much through the wonderful friends in my life who have also struggled with this thing called life.
I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends.
Life is so short. How much time will be spend in anger and bitterness. We can't control what others do and what others think, but we can deal with our own actions and thoughts. Anger and bitterness held inside i think eventually show their ugly selves on the outside-people will see.
I really admire my friend Jessi. She's gone through some rough things in life, yet she did not chose anger and bitterness. I know she's had to work through those things and there may have been times she wanted to hang on to those feelings. She has learned to overcome them over the years and has continued to apply them in her life today. The one vital thing in her life is God. She's learned forgiveness and moving on. Like all of us, one we learn something, that doesn't mean we have conquered it. We get better at applying it, but sometimes it's still difficult. To find Joy through the pain. The test of true faith in God.
I learn so much about myself through things that i have gone through, but I also learn so much through the wonderful friends in my life who have also struggled with this thing called life.
I am so blessed to have so many wonderful friends.
Monday, June 9, 2008
reminder
I had a good time getting to know Emily Bawden's family this weekend. Her dad, Paul, is a pastor in a cute little church. He was teaching on worship. He reminded me that God continually seeks/pursues our hearts. We stray away many, many times. God still seeks the hearts of the lost, of those who had come to know him-but have forgotten, of those who willfullness chose to walk away from him. Continually pursues our hearts. I cannot comprehend this. What will it take for each of us to know the truth about God?
Friday, May 30, 2008
thoughts this week
I loved today! Today, I did bone marrow biopsies. The patients were wonderful! I love the CRNA's in the Gonda buiding. I was encouraged by them today. Their encouragement has helped me see how my practice can look like. I'm realizing even more how my role as an anesthetist can provide comfort for my patients during their struggle with their health.
I'm looking forward to seeing where God is going to take me-career wise. There are no nurse anesthetist schools in Indiana... maybe someday? :-) We shall see.
This week I'm dog-sitting for my friend Jessi's dogs. Two little Chiwawa's. The girl is names Lucy and the boy is Paco. I love Paco! He is such a sweetheart. Lucy is always the instigator. Paco just follows along. They are sooo cute playing together. I'm realizing, though, that having pets is a lot of responsibility. I don't think i'm ready for any of that yet. I guess that's why people say that having pets is the step to take before having kids. It teaches responsibility and how it is to take care of another living being.
We'll see how this week goes... :-) I'm thinking i might be tired of cleaning up after the dogs after one week. icky.
I'm looking forward to seeing where God is going to take me-career wise. There are no nurse anesthetist schools in Indiana... maybe someday? :-) We shall see.
This week I'm dog-sitting for my friend Jessi's dogs. Two little Chiwawa's. The girl is names Lucy and the boy is Paco. I love Paco! He is such a sweetheart. Lucy is always the instigator. Paco just follows along. They are sooo cute playing together. I'm realizing, though, that having pets is a lot of responsibility. I don't think i'm ready for any of that yet. I guess that's why people say that having pets is the step to take before having kids. It teaches responsibility and how it is to take care of another living being.
We'll see how this week goes... :-) I'm thinking i might be tired of cleaning up after the dogs after one week. icky.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
What's in store for me?
This week I keep thinking about how much school I have left. 9.5 more months! woo-hoo! I'm so excited to see what God has in store for me. I've been getting recruiting postcards from all over the US. Oh, the possibilities! I'm so excited to use my skills to help people. I'm looking forward to going on mission trip.
As I think about finances, I've been praying about organizations to help out. I want to decide on a handful of christians organizations that I want to be committed to giving to. Some I've thought about...
1. Amigo Center-a camp and retreat center run by the Indiana/Michigan Mennonite Conference.
2. Compassion internation
3. Staff people at Crusade
4. Global Tribe...
I'm so excited to finish school!
As I think about finances, I've been praying about organizations to help out. I want to decide on a handful of christians organizations that I want to be committed to giving to. Some I've thought about...
1. Amigo Center-a camp and retreat center run by the Indiana/Michigan Mennonite Conference.
2. Compassion internation
3. Staff people at Crusade
4. Global Tribe...
I'm so excited to finish school!
Friday, May 16, 2008
Rotten Fish
I was going through the fridge yesterday and remembered the time when I bought fish from the grocery store. I had put it in the fridge thinking that I would eat it the next day. I forgot about it. The next week or two, i kept the most horrid smell. I could not figure out what it was. I couldn't pinpoint the location. I thought it was the garbage-took it out. That was not it. Then I thought it was the garbage disposal. I bought some tablets to put in the disposal to make it smell good. Some lemon scented something or other. I did that about 5 times and finally figured out it was not working. I couldn't pinpoint the location of the smell, but I knew it was near the fridge and garbage disposal. Maybe some animal got into my house and died? Yes, the smell was that bad... ick. So I decided to look through the fridge. Lo and behold! The fish I forgot about! It was jammed to the back of the fridge. It reeked! Reek according to Miriam Webster : a strong or disagreeable fume or odor. What an understatement!
This reminds me of how sin is in our lives. We have it in our lives and let it sit. Expecting everything in our lives to be the same. That we can hide it from people and God and go to church each Sunday and still expect to be fine spiritually. Sin is like the rotting fish. We may or may not be aware of it initially, but we will be aware of it. The rotten smell of sin will surface. We can either ignore it and let the stench infiltrate our lives, or begin to seek and find out what and how we can get rid of it with God's help. Living a life that is glorifying to Christ demands our action to get rid of the rotten fish in our lives and seek holiness in Christ. Unless that happens, we will be stagnant and ineffective people in God's family. It's never easy, but it is possible with Christ.
This reminds me of how sin is in our lives. We have it in our lives and let it sit. Expecting everything in our lives to be the same. That we can hide it from people and God and go to church each Sunday and still expect to be fine spiritually. Sin is like the rotting fish. We may or may not be aware of it initially, but we will be aware of it. The rotten smell of sin will surface. We can either ignore it and let the stench infiltrate our lives, or begin to seek and find out what and how we can get rid of it with God's help. Living a life that is glorifying to Christ demands our action to get rid of the rotten fish in our lives and seek holiness in Christ. Unless that happens, we will be stagnant and ineffective people in God's family. It's never easy, but it is possible with Christ.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
more thinking on the tropical island
I just got back from visiting Turks and Caicos yesterday. It was a tiring trek back to reality. Brought back a couple of conch shells for a little momento. It was sooo beautiful down there! God amazed me by the beauty of the beach and ocean.
As much as I love traveling, I enjoy coming back home. God reminds me of how blessed I am. I wondered if I had resources to live like that every day, what type of person I would become. I have a feeling I would be full of myself, my wants, and not about anyone else but myself. If I have extra money/resources, I would hope that I would be generous and give to others--and not hoard it for myself.
One week was just right. I had alot of time to think, reflect, contemplate:-) I became more aware that I am needing to work on many areas of my life, as usual. I became more aware that little things that go "wrong", doesn't have to ruin your whole day. I became more aware that living life with JOY hinges upon your life perceptions and attitude, and your trust in Jesus.
My brain was full this past week. I'll write more as I remember my thoughts.
As much as I love traveling, I enjoy coming back home. God reminds me of how blessed I am. I wondered if I had resources to live like that every day, what type of person I would become. I have a feeling I would be full of myself, my wants, and not about anyone else but myself. If I have extra money/resources, I would hope that I would be generous and give to others--and not hoard it for myself.
One week was just right. I had alot of time to think, reflect, contemplate:-) I became more aware that I am needing to work on many areas of my life, as usual. I became more aware that little things that go "wrong", doesn't have to ruin your whole day. I became more aware that living life with JOY hinges upon your life perceptions and attitude, and your trust in Jesus.
My brain was full this past week. I'll write more as I remember my thoughts.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
refuse to be ordinary
Sometimes I do wonder if living for Christ is "worth it". During these times of wonder, I know that my selfishness steps in. Thoughts of living for myself and for the world creep in. My mind is frustrated with what is going around me and within me.
Jesus reminds me that He sacrificed for the world. For me. I live for Him because He loves me so much to die on the cross for me. He reminds me that the world I live in is not always going to be the most pleasant place to live in. Yet, still to see the hope in who He is. He has conquered the world. When all is said and done, when the world vanishes, when people leave their mortal bodies--- He conquered death. In him there is life.
When tragedy occurs in our lives-in all of our lives, how do we choose to live? How do we choose to think and feel? How do we choose to react? When death of loved ones occurs, when sickness happens, when people are mean you, when boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you, when you're in financial hardship? The average person would chose anger, vengence, bitterness, hatred, self pity, and worry.
Because we have Christ, we have the power to overcome all those ugly thoughts and feelings. Yes, we will have many times of sadness, but to be able to see the joy through it all...because we have hope in Jesus. To be able to react with love and grace, not anger, bitterness, or vengence. To be able to see the Truth in who we are in Christ and not feel self pity. To be able to put trust in the God that created the universe and not worry about how much money we do not have, the husband/wife that we do not have, the children or grandchildren that we do not have--and put trust in Christ-who conquered death, who loves unconditionally, who is full of grace and mercy, and who provides what we need.
Refuse to be ordinary, because we have Christ in our lives. Is Christ worth it? Yes, it is. Life's an adventure with Him in our lives. A fulfilling adventure. Not an empty one.
Jesus reminds me that He sacrificed for the world. For me. I live for Him because He loves me so much to die on the cross for me. He reminds me that the world I live in is not always going to be the most pleasant place to live in. Yet, still to see the hope in who He is. He has conquered the world. When all is said and done, when the world vanishes, when people leave their mortal bodies--- He conquered death. In him there is life.
When tragedy occurs in our lives-in all of our lives, how do we choose to live? How do we choose to think and feel? How do we choose to react? When death of loved ones occurs, when sickness happens, when people are mean you, when boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you, when you're in financial hardship? The average person would chose anger, vengence, bitterness, hatred, self pity, and worry.
Because we have Christ, we have the power to overcome all those ugly thoughts and feelings. Yes, we will have many times of sadness, but to be able to see the joy through it all...because we have hope in Jesus. To be able to react with love and grace, not anger, bitterness, or vengence. To be able to see the Truth in who we are in Christ and not feel self pity. To be able to put trust in the God that created the universe and not worry about how much money we do not have, the husband/wife that we do not have, the children or grandchildren that we do not have--and put trust in Christ-who conquered death, who loves unconditionally, who is full of grace and mercy, and who provides what we need.
Refuse to be ordinary, because we have Christ in our lives. Is Christ worth it? Yes, it is. Life's an adventure with Him in our lives. A fulfilling adventure. Not an empty one.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
spring...
I'm so excited for warm weather. This winter is longer than what I like. It feels like opening another chapter in my life. New life. New beginings.
I was thinking this week that when I first became a Christian, life seemed simpler. As I grew in my faith, truly living for God became harder because I became aware that there are certain things that are not good for my life. When I was younger, I was not as aware of them. As I grew, my awareness caused me to think--alot more. My thoughts, perceptions, and actions changed due to Christ working in my life.
I wrote earlier that the them for my life is "Love with grace". This is truly challenging for me. To love someone even when they don't "deserve" it. To throw my pride away and love them because Jesus loves me...it's not easy for me. I think it gets easier each year, but I know it will be a constant battle for my heart.
I was thinking this week that when I first became a Christian, life seemed simpler. As I grew in my faith, truly living for God became harder because I became aware that there are certain things that are not good for my life. When I was younger, I was not as aware of them. As I grew, my awareness caused me to think--alot more. My thoughts, perceptions, and actions changed due to Christ working in my life.
I wrote earlier that the them for my life is "Love with grace". This is truly challenging for me. To love someone even when they don't "deserve" it. To throw my pride away and love them because Jesus loves me...it's not easy for me. I think it gets easier each year, but I know it will be a constant battle for my heart.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Theme for my life
Bystry and I had our get together tonight. I appreciate her so much. She cracks me up. After some discussion about some parts of Romans tonight, I decided upon a theme for my life. Something I want to live by. Drum roll please.......Love with Grace.......What do you think?
It's easy to love those who love you back. Not so easy to love those who are rude to you, mean to you, etc. To love and show love those who don't "deserve" it.
To give a nice tip even though the waitress/waiter has been rude and has poor customer service
To let go of situations in which people have hurt you and move on
To give money to anyone who asks you. No matter the reason
To not ride the tail of the car that pulled in front of you
To forgive-just because-even if the other person doesn't ask for forgiveness
Christ showed us grace by dying on the cross for our sins. He continues to show us grace even as we continue to fail miserably in many areas of our lives.... The least we can do is to love with grace. To love just because God loves.
Easier said than done. This is a challenge for my life. A challenge I'm willing to take on.
It's easy to love those who love you back. Not so easy to love those who are rude to you, mean to you, etc. To love and show love those who don't "deserve" it.
To give a nice tip even though the waitress/waiter has been rude and has poor customer service
To let go of situations in which people have hurt you and move on
To give money to anyone who asks you. No matter the reason
To not ride the tail of the car that pulled in front of you
To forgive-just because-even if the other person doesn't ask for forgiveness
Christ showed us grace by dying on the cross for our sins. He continues to show us grace even as we continue to fail miserably in many areas of our lives.... The least we can do is to love with grace. To love just because God loves.
Easier said than done. This is a challenge for my life. A challenge I'm willing to take on.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Tired
I'm tired today. I was on call this whole weekend. Yikes. I feel like i've been chewed and spit out. I'm appreciating a day off tomorrow.
Tonight I gave my testimony to the Salt n Light group at church. I was a little nervous because I was hoping that I keep my composure, but I knew that I couldn't. What a sap I am! It was emotional reflecting on my past. God moved in many different ways in my life. I couldn't help but tear up when I talked about how God worked in my life.
I always want to be that person who rarely shed a tear. As much as I try, i'm not that person. I'm me. When I feel, I feel deeply.
Maybe part of it is because i'm so tired today....
God has been so good to me. Thank you, my Lord.
Tonight I gave my testimony to the Salt n Light group at church. I was a little nervous because I was hoping that I keep my composure, but I knew that I couldn't. What a sap I am! It was emotional reflecting on my past. God moved in many different ways in my life. I couldn't help but tear up when I talked about how God worked in my life.
I always want to be that person who rarely shed a tear. As much as I try, i'm not that person. I'm me. When I feel, I feel deeply.
Maybe part of it is because i'm so tired today....
God has been so good to me. Thank you, my Lord.
Monday, March 24, 2008
homesick
I enjoyed my trip home. Rather short, but that's how it goes... Mom made some of my favorite laotion food. Yummy! I got together with Marla, Amy, and Christie. It was so fun. We ate at a cute restaurant in South Bend called the Vine. Great food! It really makes me miss home even more as I reflect back on my trip right now. Sometime I would like to move back, but i don't know what God has in store for me. My heart wants to move back, but there's this part of me that is waiting to hear where God is going to take me. Maybe back to Indiana (where i'm wanting to go right now). Maybe some crazy far off place. Who knows? We shall see.
Sunday, March 16, 2008
sad goodbye
Friday I went to get things from my little red Honda and say goodbye one last time. Pitiful isn't it? I don't know how I got attached to that car. I pulled my 4 sunglasses out, my maps, my hand sanitizer, my pens, my flashlight, and last but not least-my Slim Jims. I didn't realize I had so many stashed in the glove compartment:-) So, Little Red is no more. I'm lookin to buy a new car. I thought about buying a used one, but I like the idea of being the first and only owner. I'm waiting to hear how much they will give me for my car tomorrow. I've been looking at consumer report online and the Honda CRV seems like a nice vehicle. I know that I would like to have a small SUV, and that seems to fit the bill. I didn't anticipate buying a new car for another 5 years or so, but since my car accident, i'm considering a new car. Financially, I'm hoping for enough money to lease it for 1 year, then buy it after I'm done with school. I talked to my dad and my friends Charlie and Miriam. I think they are in agreement that in my situation, leasing it for a year makes sense...
This Thursday, i'm driving home to see my family. My two bestfriends Amy and Marla are driving up to northern Indiana to spend time with me. We are having a girls night with our friend Christy on Saturday. Yeah! I'm so excited to see my family and friends....
This Thursday, i'm driving home to see my family. My two bestfriends Amy and Marla are driving up to northern Indiana to spend time with me. We are having a girls night with our friend Christy on Saturday. Yeah! I'm so excited to see my family and friends....
Thursday, March 13, 2008
car accident continued...
So I got a call from the other person's insurance adjuster today. My car is totalled. I was in a little shock. I loved my car. I was done with my payments. It was cute. It was fast. I'm going to the car place and get some stuff from my car tomorrow and say goodbye to it. I'm a bit sad, I must say.
So now i'm waiting to hear back from the adjuster tomorrow to let me know the amount the insurance company is paying me for the car. My heart is not ready to hear the amount tomorrow. I'm thinking it's not going to be enough to get me a similar car. We'll see how it goes...
I know everything is going to be fine. I just would rather spend my time doing other things than looking for a decent vehicle to drive:-(
So now i'm waiting to hear back from the adjuster tomorrow to let me know the amount the insurance company is paying me for the car. My heart is not ready to hear the amount tomorrow. I'm thinking it's not going to be enough to get me a similar car. We'll see how it goes...
I know everything is going to be fine. I just would rather spend my time doing other things than looking for a decent vehicle to drive:-(
Monday, March 10, 2008
car accident
Yesterday, I got rear-ended by a minivan.. ick. I was turned on my left signal and stopped because there was a car coming toward me on the other lane. A minivan pulled up behind me and was not paying attention. She hit my car head on. My car bumped forward and was off the road. I was in a little shock. Didn't quite know what happened.
I'm thankful that she was OK and that i'm not hurt either. Kinda a bummer to mess with paperwork and insurance. The policeman was nice at least. My trunk of my car does not shut and my car did not start at all. Something happened. Had to get my car towed. I had tried to call people to give me a ride to a car rental place at the airport. No one picked up their phone. Finally, Jesse picked up his phone. Yeah. I was greatful he dropped his homework to take me to the airport. I am thankful I have many friends to call. Usually, one person would eventually pick up.
So... i'm driving a rental. I don't know how long it is going to take to fix my car-2 weeks, 3 weeks? They're taking a look at it today...
Such is life... never boring for me... I am thankful God protected me.
I'm thankful that she was OK and that i'm not hurt either. Kinda a bummer to mess with paperwork and insurance. The policeman was nice at least. My trunk of my car does not shut and my car did not start at all. Something happened. Had to get my car towed. I had tried to call people to give me a ride to a car rental place at the airport. No one picked up their phone. Finally, Jesse picked up his phone. Yeah. I was greatful he dropped his homework to take me to the airport. I am thankful I have many friends to call. Usually, one person would eventually pick up.
So... i'm driving a rental. I don't know how long it is going to take to fix my car-2 weeks, 3 weeks? They're taking a look at it today...
Such is life... never boring for me... I am thankful God protected me.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
difficult living
One thing this week that I was reminded of is that in all I do, I need to take in consideration other people's needs. Crazy idea, isn't it? The world around me would tell me otherwise. Society tells me that my needs come first. In the Bible, it says that in all I do, I need to do it to please and glorify God first. Second, other people's need need to be considered (I Cor 10:13). In making my decisions or doing various activities, I need to take in consideration if it is going to encourage other people, if it is going to help them grow in their faith or hinder it, etc. It's very difficult to put other people's need before mine. I value my time and my freedom, yet I'm called to live and love unselfishly. I'm called to love people-all people. Those who believe in Jesus as well as those who do not. Christian love is not based on emotion. We are obligated to love because of what Jesus did on the cross for all of us (Romans 12-13). Love is sacrificial. How am I living it out?
Monday, March 3, 2008
nice surprise
Has anyone gone to work and discovered that you actually had a vacation day? This past Friday I got to the hospital at 6am all ready to go...only to discover I had a vacation day. I put the request in a long time ago and forgot about it. Unexpected planned vacation day:-) It was such a lovely day. Love it. Love it. Love it.
This past weekend me, Emily Bystry, and Amy Baker went on a little spiritual retreat. It was great to reflect back on what God has done in our lives. We looked at our visions we had for our lives-in congruent to what God calls us to do. I was encouraged this weekend. God, where are you taking me? I am eagerly, yet patiently waiting....
This past weekend me, Emily Bystry, and Amy Baker went on a little spiritual retreat. It was great to reflect back on what God has done in our lives. We looked at our visions we had for our lives-in congruent to what God calls us to do. I was encouraged this weekend. God, where are you taking me? I am eagerly, yet patiently waiting....
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Time is where your heart is
Actions speak louder than words. When someone tells you they love you, yet they spend time doing other things than spend time with you, it really tells you they don't really care about you at all. This past week really helped me see a glimpse of how God must feel towards us. We say we love God, yet we choose to spend our time doing other things than spend time with Him. We sometimes choose things we don't even like doing than spend a little time reading His word. The disjointedness between what we say and what we do is disheartening to me. Paralleling what we say and what we do is one of the most difficult things as a Christian. Saying what we believe is one thing, but living it out is another. We live in hypocrisy more often than we are aware of. Being aware of this makes us more attuned to how we are living. Are we living out what we say we believe?
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Grace
Everyone has a set of standards they live by. A set of what is right or wrong, appropriate and not appropriate. Conflicts happen when one person says something or does something that goes against the standard of another, non-Christians to other non-Christians, Christians to non-Christians, non-Christians to Christians, as well as Christians to other Christians.
When things happen, it's hard to remember to let it go and extend grace. We think that it our right to feel a certain way or react a certain way because they "wronged" us. That our thoughts, feelings, and actions are justified. We hold on to the self righteous attitude so tightly. I think sometimes we feel that if we let things go, we are telling the other person that it is OK to continue to do or say whatever they're doing or saying. That's not the case at all. It'll eat you from the inside if you harbor those icky feelings.
Have you ever noticed that one situation sometimes ruins your whole day? You keep thinking about it and also getting upset and bitter about whatever happened. At the end of your day, you reflect back and realized that your whole day was spend being upset. A day wasted. Letting it go (showing grace) would have allowed you to move on emotionally and have more joy in your day. There are certain issues and problems that can never be resolved between people. We ourselves have to come into grips with the fact people have different life experiences that make them the way they are. And sometimes life happens and people have bad days. I know I do sometimes.
It is not the end of the world if a car pulls in front of us, if the waitress serves us the wrong food, if people make comments about you that was not true, if people make rude comments about anything. Life goes on. Don't waste your time thinking about it. Don't miss life because of other people's attitudes and actions. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is an adventure with God. We have to decide what we fill it with.
As much as God has shown grace to us, we don't want to do the same with others around us. God calls us to live differently. This living doesn't come overnight. It takes time to change how one thinks about life.
Phil 4:8
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
When things happen, it's hard to remember to let it go and extend grace. We think that it our right to feel a certain way or react a certain way because they "wronged" us. That our thoughts, feelings, and actions are justified. We hold on to the self righteous attitude so tightly. I think sometimes we feel that if we let things go, we are telling the other person that it is OK to continue to do or say whatever they're doing or saying. That's not the case at all. It'll eat you from the inside if you harbor those icky feelings.
Have you ever noticed that one situation sometimes ruins your whole day? You keep thinking about it and also getting upset and bitter about whatever happened. At the end of your day, you reflect back and realized that your whole day was spend being upset. A day wasted. Letting it go (showing grace) would have allowed you to move on emotionally and have more joy in your day. There are certain issues and problems that can never be resolved between people. We ourselves have to come into grips with the fact people have different life experiences that make them the way they are. And sometimes life happens and people have bad days. I know I do sometimes.
It is not the end of the world if a car pulls in front of us, if the waitress serves us the wrong food, if people make comments about you that was not true, if people make rude comments about anything. Life goes on. Don't waste your time thinking about it. Don't miss life because of other people's attitudes and actions. Don't sweat the small stuff. Life is an adventure with God. We have to decide what we fill it with.
As much as God has shown grace to us, we don't want to do the same with others around us. God calls us to live differently. This living doesn't come overnight. It takes time to change how one thinks about life.
Phil 4:8
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Freedom in choice
What is freedom in Christ? What does it look like for me? Many churches disagree about many issues: drinking, war, dancing, how to dress, etc. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. What impacts my decisions that I make? God's Word should, but not always....
There are many issues that the Bible does not address, yet people pull and stretch God's word to say what they want it to say.... such as dancing is wrong, drinking is wrong, and for women-wearing pants is wrong, piercings and tatoos are wrong, etc. To say such things are sin is heresy. Yes, I know there are wise and unwise decisions, but to say, for example that piercings are wrong is judgemental. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit-this verse specifically addresses prostitution, not any other issue. I'm not denying that we need to take care of ourselves, but many times we take it to extreme and make it legalistic-a set of do's and don'ts.
On the other hand, the issue of drinking is a touchy topic for most. Drinking in itself is not wrong, yet the Bible clearly states that drunkeness is wrong. How many of my friends go to the edge-tipsy, not drunk? Where's the line? How should I conduct myself-knowing that drinking in itself is not wrong, yet aware of what that might look like to those struggling with drinking, etc. Should I care about what people think? I have freedom to drink, but there are times when it's not wise to do so-depending on the situation. Situations in which there is risk in making someone struggle in their walk with Christ, situations in which it may prevent someone from being open to Christ. The fact that there is freedom doesn't mean that we continue to make the same decisions.
As I live, I need to be careful to not be judgemental as I see people make decisions. I have certain standards I set myself based on what God has taught me. I have to realize that people don't have the same convictions as I do. I'm learning this year that I can't determine standards for other people. I constantly struggle with grace-for myself and others...
What should go through my head as I make decisions? 1. Am I honoring and glorifying God
2. Am I preventing someone from being open to know Jesus or growing in their faith 3. Am I going to be hurt emotionally (or physically for that matter) ?
We are free to choose, but we have to be careful. My embrace of freedom in Christ should not ignore my impact on others. I need to be concerned that my action do impact believers and non believers alike-in their coming to faith or continuing their faith journey.
Living life as Christian is not as simple as I used to think life was. The longer I walk in my faith, the more difficult it becomes because I gain knowledge of not just what is right and wrong, but the knowledge of what is wise and unwise.
There are many issues that the Bible does not address, yet people pull and stretch God's word to say what they want it to say.... such as dancing is wrong, drinking is wrong, and for women-wearing pants is wrong, piercings and tatoos are wrong, etc. To say such things are sin is heresy. Yes, I know there are wise and unwise decisions, but to say, for example that piercings are wrong is judgemental. Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit-this verse specifically addresses prostitution, not any other issue. I'm not denying that we need to take care of ourselves, but many times we take it to extreme and make it legalistic-a set of do's and don'ts.
On the other hand, the issue of drinking is a touchy topic for most. Drinking in itself is not wrong, yet the Bible clearly states that drunkeness is wrong. How many of my friends go to the edge-tipsy, not drunk? Where's the line? How should I conduct myself-knowing that drinking in itself is not wrong, yet aware of what that might look like to those struggling with drinking, etc. Should I care about what people think? I have freedom to drink, but there are times when it's not wise to do so-depending on the situation. Situations in which there is risk in making someone struggle in their walk with Christ, situations in which it may prevent someone from being open to Christ. The fact that there is freedom doesn't mean that we continue to make the same decisions.
As I live, I need to be careful to not be judgemental as I see people make decisions. I have certain standards I set myself based on what God has taught me. I have to realize that people don't have the same convictions as I do. I'm learning this year that I can't determine standards for other people. I constantly struggle with grace-for myself and others...
What should go through my head as I make decisions? 1. Am I honoring and glorifying God
2. Am I preventing someone from being open to know Jesus or growing in their faith 3. Am I going to be hurt emotionally (or physically for that matter) ?
We are free to choose, but we have to be careful. My embrace of freedom in Christ should not ignore my impact on others. I need to be concerned that my action do impact believers and non believers alike-in their coming to faith or continuing their faith journey.
Living life as Christian is not as simple as I used to think life was. The longer I walk in my faith, the more difficult it becomes because I gain knowledge of not just what is right and wrong, but the knowledge of what is wise and unwise.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
shirt
When i'm in a hurry, sometimes I forget a few things like everyone else... wearing wrong shoes, locking myself out of the house, etc.
Last week I somehow put my right arm into the head hole as well-without knowing it... ??? How? The shirt was very stretchy. I had a sweater on over the long sleeve t-shirt. It kinda masked the discomfort. I didn't notice it until I saw my sleeve dangling out of my sweater sleeve-a few hours later :-) Like I said I was in a hurry AND the shirt was very, very, stretchy.
Last week I somehow put my right arm into the head hole as well-without knowing it... ??? How? The shirt was very stretchy. I had a sweater on over the long sleeve t-shirt. It kinda masked the discomfort. I didn't notice it until I saw my sleeve dangling out of my sweater sleeve-a few hours later :-) Like I said I was in a hurry AND the shirt was very, very, stretchy.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
mountains
I want to hike in the mountains this summer. Back to the backcountry of Glacier National Park...
Friday, February 15, 2008
my mind
It's amazing how my mind can be occupied with so many things...so many. Good thoughts, bad thoughts, my dreams and aspirations, my list for the day, my planning of fun trips coming up, my relationships with people, presentations and papers i need to get done for school, when do I clean my house?, when do I exercise? how do I balance?, things God is teaching me, who am I called to be and who am i now? And so much more...
It's a wonder my mind doesn't explode.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I Peter5: 6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
To rest in God's sovereignty and power...I need this reminder.
It's a wonder my mind doesn't explode.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I Peter5: 6-7 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
To rest in God's sovereignty and power...I need this reminder.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Vision for my life
Today, I thought about what my vision is for my life...In the end it's still my own choice in which direction my life will go. Oh the challenges of having free will.
I want my heart to be more like Christ. It is far away from that right now. I feel that I just have a long way to go, but I know there is hope. I want to make a impact in this life. In doing so, I need to be in the world, but not of the world. I want to be relevent so I can interact with others who don't believe in Jesus. It's a fine line being relevent in this world, yet trying to stay away from participating in its values (the drive for money, greed, lust, gossip, etc). e
To give more than my 10%. I don't want money to be my focus.
To pour my life into others. Encouraging them in their walk with Christ.
To be bold in sharing who I am and what I believe with people around me.
God is continually refining me. I am being filled.
I want my heart to be more like Christ. It is far away from that right now. I feel that I just have a long way to go, but I know there is hope. I want to make a impact in this life. In doing so, I need to be in the world, but not of the world. I want to be relevent so I can interact with others who don't believe in Jesus. It's a fine line being relevent in this world, yet trying to stay away from participating in its values (the drive for money, greed, lust, gossip, etc). e
To give more than my 10%. I don't want money to be my focus.
To pour my life into others. Encouraging them in their walk with Christ.
To be bold in sharing who I am and what I believe with people around me.
God is continually refining me. I am being filled.
Monday, February 4, 2008
renewing my soul
Isaiah 40:
29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I'm renewing my strength this week. I was weary spiritually for the last few weeks and I was not aware of it for a long time. God has used my amazing friends and mentor to be my encouragers. I am thankful. The well of my soul needs to be filled up.
29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
I'm renewing my strength this week. I was weary spiritually for the last few weeks and I was not aware of it for a long time. God has used my amazing friends and mentor to be my encouragers. I am thankful. The well of my soul needs to be filled up.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
It's too difficult
This week impresses upon me more that I can't live without encouragement and accountibility from my Christian family. I missed church 3 weeks in row due to traveling. My time in reading the Bible was limited due to all my traveling and school. I was reading a few verses this last weekend and the words meant nothing. Nothing.
I went to a board review for anesthesia this last weekend. I was mentally drained by Sunday night. We drove up 5Am on Friday to get to our class at 7AM. We did get out by 6pm Friday and Sat., so we had some down time. Sunday we got out early. Very tiring. We celebrated Mel's Birthday on Sat. night. We had a great time. Some guys from Arkansas came with us as well. That night, I wondered if I can throw what I believe aside and date someone who did not believe the same things as I do. Jason (cute Arkansas boy, southern drawl) rode with my friend Duncan and me. We had so much fun. Jason snowboards:-) Really nice. Really CUTE-did I mention that already? :-) Had his arm out for me to hold on to as we walked to and from the car. He made me laugh. Really in the end... he was not a Christian. I came to my senses and backed off. How easy would it be to date this guy. In my head I was thinking....God it's too hard living for you, I just want to live for myself for awhile.
It's not just Jason that made me think this way. There were other things going through my head that I had been thinking about. Thinking it would just be so much easier to just give in and live just like everyone else. I was running low on fuel. My cup was empty. Looking back I was not taking the time to fill it up in spending time in reading my Bible. Also I think I care too much about people. Is that even possible? caring too much? If my effort in their lives don't make a difference, why bother? I get sad seeing people I love making decisions that are not good for them.
In the end, I get into a tizzy and wanting everything to stop because living for Jesus is not easy. Why not live like everyone else?
Today, God gently reminds me about who I am. Where He has brought me from and where He was taking me. I know my accountibility crew has been praying for me. Thank you Em, Lis, and Annie for being in my life. For encouraging me.
I went to a board review for anesthesia this last weekend. I was mentally drained by Sunday night. We drove up 5Am on Friday to get to our class at 7AM. We did get out by 6pm Friday and Sat., so we had some down time. Sunday we got out early. Very tiring. We celebrated Mel's Birthday on Sat. night. We had a great time. Some guys from Arkansas came with us as well. That night, I wondered if I can throw what I believe aside and date someone who did not believe the same things as I do. Jason (cute Arkansas boy, southern drawl) rode with my friend Duncan and me. We had so much fun. Jason snowboards:-) Really nice. Really CUTE-did I mention that already? :-) Had his arm out for me to hold on to as we walked to and from the car. He made me laugh. Really in the end... he was not a Christian. I came to my senses and backed off. How easy would it be to date this guy. In my head I was thinking....God it's too hard living for you, I just want to live for myself for awhile.
It's not just Jason that made me think this way. There were other things going through my head that I had been thinking about. Thinking it would just be so much easier to just give in and live just like everyone else. I was running low on fuel. My cup was empty. Looking back I was not taking the time to fill it up in spending time in reading my Bible. Also I think I care too much about people. Is that even possible? caring too much? If my effort in their lives don't make a difference, why bother? I get sad seeing people I love making decisions that are not good for them.
In the end, I get into a tizzy and wanting everything to stop because living for Jesus is not easy. Why not live like everyone else?
Today, God gently reminds me about who I am. Where He has brought me from and where He was taking me. I know my accountibility crew has been praying for me. Thank you Em, Lis, and Annie for being in my life. For encouraging me.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
missed opportunity
How can someone trust Jesus if they don't believe? How will they believe if they haven't heard? How can they hear unless someone preaches? How can someone preach unless they are sent? Romans 10:14-21
On my flight back from Bozeman, MT, I sat beside a man traveling to Rochester from Colorado. He was friendly and he talked about his job, his family, etc. There were many opportunities for me to share my faith, but i didn't. My heart is sad thinking about it. People are not as receptive today to hear about Jesus, but he seemed to be open. I missed the opportunity:-(
Many people see Christians as hypocrites. Some people see Christians not any different than those who are not Christians. How can we begin to share Truth with them if we ourselves don't live it? Why would they want to know Jesus if our lives don't look any different? In our outlook, our attitudes, our interactions with people, our integrity and character?
We want to build our character and integrity by living the easy life-the perfect job, the spouse, two kids, and a dog. Maybe church attendance weekly and giving a little money here and there. We don't want the tough stuff that life brings-sickness, death, strife of any sort. We forget that that's how God makes us stronger-through those situations. It's amazing to me how God takes us through this crazy life and teaches us how to rely on Him for strength and comfort.
If I had the perfect life as the world sees it, I know that my reliance on God would not exist. Only when I deal with the tough stuff of life is when i'm reminded that God has always been with me and He loves me. God is my rock and my salvation. That in itself should cause me to live differently. When I face the harsh realities of life, how is my attitude and outlook? Is it still hoping in Christ? Anchored in Christ? Do people see Jesus in me?
Do people see Jesus in you-those who are believers? If our lives don't look any different from people who don't know Jesus, why in the world would they want to know Him? I realize that the Holy Spirit changes the heart, but we still need to be vessels for Jesus. To be used in reaching the lives of those who don't know Him.
The one question I have for myself is.... Am I being obedient in my living in faith in the God of the Universe?
On my flight back from Bozeman, MT, I sat beside a man traveling to Rochester from Colorado. He was friendly and he talked about his job, his family, etc. There were many opportunities for me to share my faith, but i didn't. My heart is sad thinking about it. People are not as receptive today to hear about Jesus, but he seemed to be open. I missed the opportunity:-(
Many people see Christians as hypocrites. Some people see Christians not any different than those who are not Christians. How can we begin to share Truth with them if we ourselves don't live it? Why would they want to know Jesus if our lives don't look any different? In our outlook, our attitudes, our interactions with people, our integrity and character?
We want to build our character and integrity by living the easy life-the perfect job, the spouse, two kids, and a dog. Maybe church attendance weekly and giving a little money here and there. We don't want the tough stuff that life brings-sickness, death, strife of any sort. We forget that that's how God makes us stronger-through those situations. It's amazing to me how God takes us through this crazy life and teaches us how to rely on Him for strength and comfort.
If I had the perfect life as the world sees it, I know that my reliance on God would not exist. Only when I deal with the tough stuff of life is when i'm reminded that God has always been with me and He loves me. God is my rock and my salvation. That in itself should cause me to live differently. When I face the harsh realities of life, how is my attitude and outlook? Is it still hoping in Christ? Anchored in Christ? Do people see Jesus in me?
Do people see Jesus in you-those who are believers? If our lives don't look any different from people who don't know Jesus, why in the world would they want to know Him? I realize that the Holy Spirit changes the heart, but we still need to be vessels for Jesus. To be used in reaching the lives of those who don't know Him.
The one question I have for myself is.... Am I being obedient in my living in faith in the God of the Universe?
Monday, January 21, 2008
path
My trip to Montana was wonderful. I love being in the mountains. The traveling time gave me some time to think.
It seems that some people live in a certain path of life....some will live an "easy life" when it comes to money, some will always struggle. Some will always have to deal with dysfunctional family members, others have good family dynamics. Some will always have to deal with health problems....
Today is my first day in my obstetrics rotation. There was a a 25 week old baby that was delivered. It's going to be a uphill battle for this baby-not fully developed yet. Having a tube in his trachea to help him breath until he grows more. Health complications will add up. That's going to be his life for a long time.
What's my life path? Having a good job when i'm done with school. Having family and friends who love me. Ability to use my skills to help others. I am really blessed in that way. Yet I'm still having to deal with things that life brings me that is really hard to deal with-emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. There are certain things I feel I myself have to deal with in this lifetime. When life hands you a lemon...make some lemonade. Sometimes I don't want to make lemonade. My heart is a bit discouraged this last week. Relying on God. Holding on to Truth. That's what I need to remind myself.
It seems that some people live in a certain path of life....some will live an "easy life" when it comes to money, some will always struggle. Some will always have to deal with dysfunctional family members, others have good family dynamics. Some will always have to deal with health problems....
Today is my first day in my obstetrics rotation. There was a a 25 week old baby that was delivered. It's going to be a uphill battle for this baby-not fully developed yet. Having a tube in his trachea to help him breath until he grows more. Health complications will add up. That's going to be his life for a long time.
What's my life path? Having a good job when i'm done with school. Having family and friends who love me. Ability to use my skills to help others. I am really blessed in that way. Yet I'm still having to deal with things that life brings me that is really hard to deal with-emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. There are certain things I feel I myself have to deal with in this lifetime. When life hands you a lemon...make some lemonade. Sometimes I don't want to make lemonade. My heart is a bit discouraged this last week. Relying on God. Holding on to Truth. That's what I need to remind myself.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Trips
I love traveling! Last weekend I went to see my old mentor from college-Dawn. She's not really old-she's 36. I had not seen her in years and I'm always encouraged when I'm with her. She poured her life into mine when I was at Purdue. She guided me in my faith journey. Continuously reminded me of who I am in Christ-my identity. She was the one that helped me truly see that I cannot live for Christ only half heartedly. It's all or nothing. God really used her in my life.
This coming weekend a few of my friends and I are traveling to Bozemen to snowboard. I'm very excited. They're flying up on Wed. and i'm flying out on Thurs. night. I love the mountains! It reminds me of what an amazing Creator we serve.
This coming weekend a few of my friends and I are traveling to Bozemen to snowboard. I'm very excited. They're flying up on Wed. and i'm flying out on Thurs. night. I love the mountains! It reminds me of what an amazing Creator we serve.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
discipleship
Yesterday I went snowboarding. I had the most fun ever! I rode my board a little more aggressively. My first ride was a little timid because I was afraid of falling. After that though, I was determined. I fell quite a few times and they were pretty hard spills. I'm feeling the effects of my tumbling today. Ow. No regrets here, though :-)
Despite the rough tumblings of life, I want to live with no regrets. To ride the board of life to the fullest. Full of joy.
In Sunday school today, we're talking about living in Christ in today's world. What it looks like now in our lives and what it should look like. The refining process of growing in Christ-much easier said than done. Discipleship-we take an active part in it-we forget this. We think that after we accept Christ into our life, we can ride on the carpet of Grace. We settle for the monotony of life. Going to work during the week and playing on the weekends. Where does God come in? No desire for growth. Why? Why do we always want to fulfill worldly desires, yet not want to fulfill God's desire for our lives? Seeking approval from others, envious of what others have, greed, participating in things not glorifying to God, etc. Do we actually think God is OK our actions, our thoughts because we profess our belief in Jesus? When Jesus came to this world, He not only demands that we profess our belief in Him, but also demands OBEDIENCE. Only then do we show our reverence and love for the God who created the universe.
Living for Jesus. What does it look like for me? I'll continue to write my thoughts as I continue to read Dietrich Bonhoeffer and do the 13 week series on Renovation of the Heart.
Despite the rough tumblings of life, I want to live with no regrets. To ride the board of life to the fullest. Full of joy.
In Sunday school today, we're talking about living in Christ in today's world. What it looks like now in our lives and what it should look like. The refining process of growing in Christ-much easier said than done. Discipleship-we take an active part in it-we forget this. We think that after we accept Christ into our life, we can ride on the carpet of Grace. We settle for the monotony of life. Going to work during the week and playing on the weekends. Where does God come in? No desire for growth. Why? Why do we always want to fulfill worldly desires, yet not want to fulfill God's desire for our lives? Seeking approval from others, envious of what others have, greed, participating in things not glorifying to God, etc. Do we actually think God is OK our actions, our thoughts because we profess our belief in Jesus? When Jesus came to this world, He not only demands that we profess our belief in Him, but also demands OBEDIENCE. Only then do we show our reverence and love for the God who created the universe.
Living for Jesus. What does it look like for me? I'll continue to write my thoughts as I continue to read Dietrich Bonhoeffer and do the 13 week series on Renovation of the Heart.
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